Ya know, whenever I hear something bad I do all that I can to be optimistic, and tell myself it will always get better. It never does though. Just keeps getting worse and worse. I don't know about you guys, but when I'm told that someone I love alot got sick, I assume that they will get better automatically. Bad things don't happen to good people. Karma. Ha. Karma's a load of bullshit. Imagine my surprise when that loved one died, but oh no, not of the cancer, no! But of fucking bloodclots. That's it. I've lived this life always saying that it'll get better and if I really really believe that God is there and I be the best I can be, that i can be rewarded. How naive. We have freewill. I get that. God wont help, because we put ourselves in our own bad situations. I understand. But what about sickness? Anyone want to answer why such a beautiful and wonderful woman that was totally selfless her whole life would die of cancer before her kid was even out of the house? It just put a whole load of crap into perspective. It's life. A test. To see if we're desearving enough to get into heaven. I guess Laura had just proved herself, and God decided that her test was over. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy that she's finally free, but the reprucutions of this event has taken its toll. The good die young. It happens to the best of us. All of these sayings. It just makes me really tired to think that I have my whole life in front of me. Years and years of disappointment after disappointment. I just would give anything to see her face again. To see My best friends face light up at the sight of her. To hug her and hear her ramblings that I took for granted. I'd give anything to hear her complaints now. Her voice. Its just really sad ya know. i just want to sleep for a long time. i'm tired.